If You'll Be My Star, I'll Be Your Sky
by Kathey27
Summary: This is the kind of love that poisons everyone else but them. / Or, She rewrites their love story against his chest in midnight madness blue.


**A/N: Because Beck/Cat is one of **_**those**_** couples; they're destined to be so beautifully broken but you still can't help but root for them anyways.**

**And if you know any of my other stuff, you know how much I adore broken couples. And angst. I practically live off of it.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing; if I did Jade would be with either André or Robbie, Cat with Beck, and Tori would be alone, crying in a corner somewhere.**

**xxxxxx**

"Be patient and tough; some day this pain will be useful to you."

- Ovid**  
**

**xxxxxx**

**if you'll be my star, i'll be your sky (you can hide underneath me and come out at night):**

Cat loves Jade. She does. She loves the fiery used-to-be-brunette so much that it hurts sometimes. Cat loves how she understands that when she says the rainbow is her favorite color, Jade knows that she means how pretty it all looks together and how can anyone possibly pick just one color when they're all so cuteprettysparklyamazing? She loves how Jade knows cereal calms her down and how Jade doesn't roll her eyes and how Jade is patient, always. She loves how Jade buys her cupcakes when she has a craving and always stocks her fridge with vanilla whenever Cat's around. She loves how Jade's the Rajah to her Jasmine. (Reality).

But she also loves Beck. She loves_loves_**loves** Beck. So much. She loves the starry-eyed boy so much that it _always _hurts. She loves how he knows that her hair's red not because it's so superduperpretty – even though it is – but because her brother's a paranoid mess. She loves how he gets that it's not her fault that she cries at the end of Tangled every time she watches it; she _has_ to cry because it's all so beautiful and fantastic and whycan'tlifebelikethat? She loves how when she's sad he knows not to talk and just sits with her because words never really help anyways. She loves how he's so pretty and magical and supersweetkind to her. She loves how he's the Eric to her Ariel. (Fantasy).

She loves them both so, so much.

Except, she must love Beck a bit (a lot) more because when Jade's not around, it's him she's pressed up against in janitor closets.

xxxxxx

Cat doesn't remember when or how it started. All that she knows really is that she thinks Beck is really_really_**really** sweet and she likes him more than vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles and a bit of red velvet cake on the side. She loves him _that much_.

One day while Jade's sitting between them, scowling and snipping Beck catches her eyes, smirks softly, nods at Jade's figure and makes a face. Puffs his cheeks out and furrows his brow and makes openmouthed gestures. She giggles despite how mean it is and has to clasps both hands over her lips to keep down the rest of the laughter. Beck smiles at her reaction and goes back to hearing Jade prattle along, all the while keeping his eyes trained on the redhead.

Maybe that was the start of it.

(Or maybe it was after the card game that changed everything and ended with Beck shoving her against a bathroom door and kissing her senseless. She blames the fact that she didn't protest or pull away on the things his hands were doing to her underneath her blue skirt.

Yeah, that's probably the beginning).

xxxxxx

Jade is her bestest friend. Above Tori, above _everyone_.

Jade defends her when the whispers start, which they always do because apparently it's not okay to still watch Disney and believe in unicorns and rainbows and have candy in your bras. Jade takes her to the park and pushes her on the swings and sits through five hours of Phil of the Future reruns. Jade is the sister she never got but always wanted (_needed_).

It's for all these reasons and more why whenever Beck traces her flesh with his fingertips, she keeps her eyes open so she won't see Jade beneath her eyelids.

But then Beck's hovering over her, all perfect and smiling and warm and soft and Cat can see Jade in his eyes anyways.

(She throws up after he's gone).

xxxxxx

Don't judge her, okay? Pretty, pretty please don't! She doesn't want to be doing this, doesn't want to touch her best friend's ex-boyfriend in the darkness where eyes can't reach.

She may be a bit naïve and not all that quick but she knows what wrong is and she can feel a bit of darkness creep into her soul each time he breathes against her skin.

But then he's smiling at her and moving hair away from her eyes and feeding her ice cream and all the darkness fades to the background.

xxxxxx

"Why don't you touch me in the light?" She asks this while he's peppering kisses along her belly button and her soft spoken words have him glancing upwards, hair mussed and eyes wide.

His molten brown eyes lock on hers and if he can see the heartbreak and confusion in hers, he doesn't say.

"Cat – "

"Do you love her?" Her voice cracks and her bottom lip wobbles against her will and she has to shove the bottom of her palms against her eyes to keep it all down. "It's okay" she speaks around her hands and tears. "if you do. I can wait." This last statement is spoken rushed and greedily and is a horribleterriblenogood attempt to make him stay.

When Beck offers no words she peeks out from beneath her hands and finds him gazing at her with wet, starry eyes. His lips quirk upwards for a second.

"This isn't fair for you." As he's saying these words he's planting a single kiss to her collarbone.

She doesn't ask what he means she just wraps her arms around his shoulders and holds him close.

xxxxxx

When Jade comes over Cat sprays the room ten times with Lysol even though she doesn't want to because she loves_loves_**loves** the way Beck smells but she knows that if her best friend caught even one whiff of coconut vanilla, she'd lose it.

Jade sits down on her carpet and frowns down at the popcorn bowl before stating: "It smells good in here."

Cat gives her best lost-in-the-clouds look and giggles. "Thanks, it's a new lotion." _I'm so so so so sorry._

The goth sits up a bit straighter and takes another sniff. "Hey – "

"One time," she cuts in an airy tone, grasping at a random story, anything to change what was about to occur. "my brother got beat up by a monkey. He was trying to steal his apples." _I love you both so much and this hurts so bad and I'm so so so so sorry._

Jade smirks, like always and faces the movie.

Cat lets out a gasp of air into her pillow and wipes away at a few traitor tears.

xxxxxx

(Beck hooks his pink with hers at lunch and presses into her sides and sososososomuchwarmth shoots through her that she has to keep her head down the entire period or risk them all seeing her crimson cheeks).

xxxxxx

They're on his RV one night and he's tracing secrets into her bare skin when she spots a shooting star. She gasps and lurches forward, nearly throwing him off of the top.

"Cat! What the – "

"Look! A shooting star!" She grasps at his bare arm happily and she can feel excitement start to course through her because shooting stars make wishes come true and she knows what she wants _more than anything_ in the whole wide world. "Make a wish!" She giggles, eyes shut tightly and lips pursed. She hears a faint laugh before lips are being pressed to her eyelids.

Once the star's gone and her eyes are open she catches the look in Beck's eyes.

A look of peace and happiness that leaves her heart thumping.

She lets him go back to his tracing.

xxxxxx

(_Pretty please star, let him love me_).

xxxxxx

André shakes his head and looks at her with sosaddissapointedkindamad eyes. "What are you doing little red?" He asks this with a tired voice and if she holds her breath long enough, she starts to get dizzy and the saddisappointmentmad disappears.

"I don't know." She answers honestly because she doesn't. All she knows is that she loves Jade and she loves Beck (but not in the same way). She loves Jade in the sleepovers make-up parties movies way. She loves Beck in the bed rooftop shooting stars shadows melting ice cream way.

André plants a placating kiss to her temple. "This is going to end badly."

_Is there any other way?_ "Please don't tell her."

xxxxxx

Beck takes her to San Diego and they walk along the boardwalk and hold hands and eat ice cream together and his arm feels perfectgreatlovely against hers.

It's around noon when it happens and it's only really because there are so many couples around and she's 300% sure none of them are there to hide.

"You'd pick me." She doesn't ask it as a question because she knows the answer he'll most likely give and there's only so much denial she can bury herself under.

"Huh?" His lips are stained with chocolate and she fights the need to lick it all away.

"If it was between me and Jade. It'd be me." She smiles, dimples open for all to see.

He runs his fingers through her hair and kisses the crown of her head.

She forgets that he didn't answer when he gets her a slice of pineapple and cheese pizza.

xxxxxx

Cat gazes upwards at her glow-in-the-dark stickers and starts to count them all off.

_Helovesmehelovesmenot, helovesmehelovesmenot, helovesmehelovesmenot –_

The sound of Jade's ringtone cuts through the inner monologue.

xxxxxx

"Do you still love him?" She asks as she braids up Jade's hair because she's probably the only person Jade even trusts with her hair. Which is a pretty big thing considering, well, _everything_.

"…why the question?" Jade's voice is tight and barely contained and that's all Cat needs to know, really.

"No reason." She whispers, missing a loop.

xxxxxx

They're playing checkers and she's losing and he's smirking and all she can really think about is Jade's voice.

"She loves you. Lots and lots. You know that, right?"

Silence.

"Beck…what are we?"

"Magic, Cat. We're magic."

She grins at this and plants a sweet kiss on his forehead, leaving a cherry pink mark on his skin. On the inside she's dying because only he could reply so perfectly yet still manage to snap her heart.

xxxxxx

("I'm so, so, so, so sorry."

She's saying this to the wrong person.

Robbie looks at her with such sadangryhurt eyes and _ohgodisthiswhatit'ssupposedtofeellike_ and she can't really breathe. Her arms wrap themselves around her waist and she's nibbling on a bit of her hair and she can see Jade out of the corner of her eyes and that is _not_ helping.

"Cat…how could you…why…when…."

"Robbie, _please_ don't cry.")

xxxxxx

"I made Robbie cry today." Cat breathes against his neck. They're in his RV watching Full House and she can only stay still as long as her hands are doing something, which currently translates to all but raping Beck's hair. It's really soft and nice and she loves the way it slips through her fingers, like a chocolate fountain.

"Steal his harmonica again?" Beck asks, eyes trained on the evil working of Stephanie Tanner.

She plants her chin on top of the amazingness that is his hair and wonders what would happen if she snipped away a few strands at the edge to keep and –

"Cat?"

"Oh, sorry." She mumbles into his hair.

"Something about Robbie crying?"

"…He knows."

xxxxxx

(All that's left is Tori and then everyone but Jade will know).

xxxxxx

Cat hates this. She hates_hates_**hates** this and doesn't know what to do because Jade's magic but so is Beck and they are everything to her and she doesn't want to see anybody else cry or anybody else have disappointment in their eyes.

There's only so much darkness she can fight off.

xxxxxx

"Do you love me yet?" She whispers during Sikowitz's class because really, who pays attention in these?

Beck tenses besides her, eyes looking over to Jade before resting on her chocolate ones.

"Cat – "

"That's okay," she quirks. "I have all the time in forever." She steals a quick peck to the cheek.

xxxxxx

_Helovesmehelovesmenot, helovesmehelovesmenot, helovesmenothelovesmenot, helovesmenot –_

xxxxxx

Tori thins her lips and sighs because really, what is there to say?

xxxxxx

Cat traces their love story against Beck's back.

She writes the words in cherry mint sparkle lip-gloss and Beck lets her even though she gets him sticky everywhere and doesn't even complain once her tears start to accompany the tale.

"Whatcha doing back there?" He asks lazily three verses and a bridge in.

"Writing down our love story. I'm not sure how it's going to end yet."

"Well, you let me know how that turns out." He falls asleep in another verse. She grabs a permanent marker.

xxxxxx

Beck wears long sleeves until he finds soap strong enough to get it all off.

Cat watches from the bathroom door as he gets ready to wash off all that they are. His eyes catch hers and then the soap's being thrown out and he's holding her and "figured out that ending yet?"

She lets her dimples forth and smirks all the way up to her eyes. "No…let's go get some bibble!"

xxxxxx

He meets her parents on a random Tuesday.

He's all smiles and manners and her parents love_love_**love** him too.

She cries into her salad.

xxxxxx

("Why are you doing this to me?" She pleads quietly as she walks him to the door.

A kiss to the crown of her head is his only response).

xxxxxx

Cat superduperadores birthdays because everyone's always happy and nice and give her colorful stuff and they don't roll their eyes at everything she says.

This year she gets the whole Friends series from Jade (squeal and reluctant hug), a balloon pump from Robbie (grateful smile and kiss against trembling cheek), a gift certificate to Nozu's from André (light jumping and a giggle) and a batch of red velvet cupcakes from Tori (pleasured sigh and soft embrace).

Beck…Beck gives her a silver Claddagh ring.

The gang gets quiet behind them and she gasps lightly as he pecks her cheek softly, so, so softly. All she can do in response is place the ring on her right hand, the tip of the heart pointing towards her wrist.

xxxxxx

Beck's own silver band clashes against hers in his hurry to get to a flat surface in time.

xxxxxx

She buys a Polaroid camera and uses three whole rolls on Beck and he spends half the time trying to hide from the camera and the other half, grinning widely.

She wastes hundreds on film and snaps away pictures like nothing and she cherishes the ones where she can almostkindofsortof see love in his eyes.

(The pictures decorate the inside of her closet).

xxxxxx

They go visit her brother at the special clinic and Beck plays Sorry with him three times and doesn't yell at him and smiles the whole time and (oh god is it possible to love him any more?)

xxxxxx

"Thanks for coming with me." She says lowly once they're a good few blocks away. Jade never, ever wants to visit Derek and anyone else would be awkward. Beck glances down at their interlocked hands and kisses her ring. "No problem kit-Cat." He murmurs, that delicious grin in place.

"Do you – " _love me want me need me, please_ "want to go get some ice cream?"

xxxxxx

_Why don't you love me?_

She writes this over and over again onto his skin with mint raspberry lip-gloss. She licks it all off later.

She replaces it with _Why won't you tell me you love me?_

xxxxxx

One day, while they're out counting clouds, he turns to her, and catches a piece of dark red velvet hair in his hands. She watches him as he twirls and twirls the piece over and over.

Finally he stops and sighs. His voice is gruff and broken as he says, "I'd pick you."

xxxxxx

There's something wrong with her. There has to be. (And no, it's not _that_ wrong; the special blue and green pills take care of most of _that_ wrong).

There's something wrong because she can no longer feel any guilt fill her, even as Jade passes her coloring books and she scribbles _Cat Oliver_ a million times in clear view. Or even when Jade almost catches a hug that lasts too long or a peck on the cheek that almost lands far too close to the lips for comfort.

Jade is her bestest friend forever and ever and this is wrong, so wrong and it's going to destroy her when she finds out or one of the others finally cracks.

All Cat can do in the mean time is hold Beck closer and keep attempting to make him stay.

xxxxxx

Jade figures it out on a Sunday.

She's lounging in the RV, hair mussed and lips bruised and clothes awkward and Beck's in the bathroom when she opens the door to find the black haired girl before her.

A strangled gasp escapes her lips and she can feel herself start to tremble and the only thing she can really note is the absolutepuremagnifying pain in Jade's eyes. It does not help that Beck comes out shirtless and wet.

Jade's lips twist into an ugly sneer and the words out of her mouth leave Cat sobbing.

"Screw you."

xxxxxx

Cat cries for hours and hours and no amount of glitter or crayons or vanilla cones will fix how _empty_ she feels inside.

Beck holds her through the entire six hours.

xxxxxx

"You knew. You knew that I still – "

"Jade, please – "

"How could you? All this time!"

"Jade – "

"_Don't_."

xxxxxx

She pins Beck to the RV's rooftop with a wistful expression. It's been two weeks since Jade walked in and everything's all messed up and sides are being chosen and it hurts when the whispers starts and no one's there to stop them. All she has left is _this_ and she has to, absolutelytrulymust know it's worth it. It has to be.

"Love me?" The question is childish and broken and leaves her eyes wet and chin trembling.

He traces her lips with his fingertips. "Love you."

xxxxxx

(She rewrites their love story against his chest in midnight madness blue).


End file.
